Sharing a simple tomato tortilla soup at a recent dinner showed how gratitude and appreciation help build trust and connection.
Gratitude works in four directions: We can give it, receive it, reflect on it, or witness it. When we express gratitude for the efforts of our peers, it generates a positive environment that encourages us to approach our own tasks proactively and constructively. This is a practice we can cultivate and apply independently of others.
My gratitude was expressed through a simple bowl of soup. When our host tasted it, she exclaimed, “Lawrence, this is incredible! Can I have the recipe?” Jokingly, I asked if I’d still be invited over if I shared it. She insisted, so I briefly explained my ten-hour method, describing how slow caramelization softens the tomato’s sharpness. The host listened closely, asking questions as I went along.
Traditionally, many people tend to lose focus after a few minutes, distracted by their own thoughts or by background noise. Surprisingly—and somewhat counterintuitively—brain research confirms that witnessing gratitude produces some of the most significant benefits for well-being. A consistent practice of witnessing gratitude, thankfulness, and acts of kindness stimulates brain responses similar to those experienced when gratitude is received directly.
The great advantage, of course, is that you don’t have to wait for thanks or appreciation. Simply watching others receive gratitude allows people to experience the same feelings of optimism, enhanced mood, and increased happiness.
The effect of observing gratitude mirrors the calming response of meditation and prayer, including reduced heart rate and blood pressure. More importantly, it increases the likelihood of altruistic behavior and the spread of positive emotions. Compassion, generosity, and forgiveness all become more likely when people witness gratitude, improving the quality of their relationships.
The most effective gratitude practice, then, is not reflecting on what you are grateful for, but watching others receive appreciation or act altruistically.
In practice, this gratitude returned her to the beginning of the soup-making process. I described starting with caramelized shallots and garlic, followed by cumin, clove, cinnamon, cardamom, seeded and torn ancho peppers, and smoked paprika. As the vegetables released their natural juices, the spices began to stick to the bottom of the pot, so I deglazed with rich chicken stock, then added equal parts milled tomato and several torn corn tortillas. Once everything reached a gentle simmer, I placed the pot in the oven for a long, slow cook at 250 degrees. The result was a soup whose surface became beautifully glazed and delicate.
After removing the pot from the oven and taking out the whole spices, I blended the mixture in a Vitamix until smooth. I then strained it through a linen-lined sieve, gently twisting to extract a fine, viscous liquid that resulted in an exceptionally silky texture—one that coats the back of a spoon perfectly. The key is understanding the finesse required when using the sieve: overworking it can strip the soup of its body, while a sieve that’s too coarse allows bits to disturb the velvety mouthfeel. The explanation took about ten minutes, yet the host remained attentive, thoughtfully examining her spoon for both texture and sheen. She had become a true student of the process and began asking about the garnish.
The dish featured chicken thigh confit, carefully shredded into fine strands. Red onion was minced and briefly blanched to reduce its sharpness while preserving its bite. Cilantro leaves were sliced, not chopped, to avoid releasing excessive oils. The final components included lightly toasted corn tortilla threads and diced avocado, added at the last moment to prevent oxidation.
By the end, my dialogue resembled an informative seminar more than a traditional recipe demonstration. I remarked, “Susie, this is the culmination of a two-day process for a ten-minute bowl of enjoyment.” She responded graciously, “Lawrence, we will simply invite you over again to prepare this treat.” I replied, “That seems a perfect gift, as I value your company too much to share the recipe readily.”
Thankfully, films and documentaries provide an abundant source of gratitude in action. Beyond celebrations and overt expressions of thankfulness, watching fictional and non-fictional characters express gratitude is as easy as picking up a remote control.
So, sit down and watch one of your favorite gratitude-filled films. Chances are, you’ve seen it before. Watch it again and look for new moments where appreciation and kindness are present. The experience is deeply uplifting.
