We all have heard the phrase, “It’s lonely at the top.” Most likely, we have all felt its meaning at some point. The loneliness comes from not knowing who to reach out to, who to discuss challenges with, who can be a sounding board for questions or ideas, or just someone to talk shop with.
When I was promoted to sous chef my responsibilities changed. It was hard to separate from the team I was working with. Yes, we continued to hang as a flock for a while, but I was now a supervisor and authority. I felt like there was nobody else in the kitchen I was able to talk to beyond the executive chef.
My first executive chef job was even more difficult. I had a sous chef I didn’t know, but I had to supervise. I had a new manager, too, and I was in a new city. My network was very small. I was not comfortable calling my previous chef. I was worried I would bother him and I didn’t have a lot of friends in similar positions or even friends in the same city. I felt incredibly alone then.
Since then, I have moved several times pursuing career opportunities from Ohio to Maryland to Connecticut to Texas. Every time I arrive in a new city I have no network and zero connections or friends. But I have learned a few important lessons. A network of colleagues who genuinely care about your well-being is imperative.
Here are a few strategies that have helped me establish a strong web of connection from within and outside the kitchens I run.
Find a Chef Community
Get involved with the local culinary chapter or consider volunteering.
I got involved with a group called the Club Chefs of Connecticut while I was in that part of the country. We planned luncheons, events with vendors, field trips and gatherings. With the help of that organization, I made friends I still connect with and reach out to for advice. We even traveled to Peru for a week together.
I am now involved with the Texas Lone Star Chapter and reaping similar rewards.
Yes, it takes time and effort, but getting into conversations with professionals in the field is fulfilling. Because of these connections, I was invited to judge a culinary showcase for the Ronald McDonald House. There will be three more chefs judging with me and many participants. This represents another great opportunity to make connections. I’m excited about this chance to grow my network.
Pick Up the Phone
Last Monday, I called a friend who I keep up with on social media. We text every once in a while, but nothing compares to having a real conversation. We spoke for a long time while I was driving around running errands. We caught up on our families, I asked her about her new boss and her kids, and she did the same about my family and career. It was a very refreshing conversation.
Go through your contacts. Find former coworkers and people in different departments from your previous clubs. Reach out and have no agenda other than to ask how everything is going for that person. Ask about their job and talk about their challenges. Believe me, this will lift your spirits.
Talk to Your Vendors
Your vendors can be a great resource for supplies, ingredients and connections. I have two great new friends who were introduced to me through a vendor. We now have dinners at each other’s house regularly and our wives have become friends.
Text Someone
I am in a group text with several club chefs. We mostly mess with each other, but that thread has become a refuge to ask questions, request feedback and get advice from peers. I am making a more conscious effort to connect with these chefs and others over text.
Message someone who you haven’t talked to for a while. It doesn’t have to be a long diatribe. Just a couple of lines will do. Check on your friends and colleagues. This will return to you in time and others will check on you similarly.
Go to a Conference or Take a Class
You will be exposed to new people and ideas when you go to events like the Chef to Chef Conference. Make the most of that opportunity by sitting with different people at each meal or session. If you are there for several days, find new seats, move around, and talk to strangers. Be intentional and set the goal of connecting with a new person every break.
Make Yourself Available
Find moments to connect with the people around you, in you kitchen and beyond it. We are all busy and have plenty to do. It is easy to lock yourself in the office or keep your head pegged to the cutting board. Make the effort to find time to walk around and talk to the rest of the team and the other department employees. Ask questions about their lives and families. Reveal something personal. Make yourself more relatable and more human. Have your lunch in the employee lunch and pick a random table.
The person with the tall hat and the white coat is intimidating. Remember how you felt in front of your first chef? Break that barrier.
The most important part of this is to be diligent, make a plan, and follow through. Be proactive. The gap between you and others isn’t set in stone. It can be closed when you build human connections with your team and colleagues.
